3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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