im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
