I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
