I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
