you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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