theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
