A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
