carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
