I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
