Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
