He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
