pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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