I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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