her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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