You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
