Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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