listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had to cum in my sink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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