i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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