Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize