Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like abortions should bother me more
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
