Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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