I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
