Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
