I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm passing your future prison.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
