I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Panties = found
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
