I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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