This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
