she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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