i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
