Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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