tell your sister to shave her snatch
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
