Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
