I think im going to throw up on grandma
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
