You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
