WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
