On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
