I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize