I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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