I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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