loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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