You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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