Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
