i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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