no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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