First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
