and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
