your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
