Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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