I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
accomplished twins. life is a go
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
