is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
