The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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