Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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