she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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