This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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