I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
