Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
