Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
