Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
