apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
