I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
