the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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