I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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