Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
