That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
