I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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