my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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