so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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