i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
