He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
