I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize