And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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