Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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