one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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