I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
