Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
