i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
