I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
