it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
