Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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