Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Panties = found
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