i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
