but the lizard people decide everything anyway
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
