it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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