I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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