Sponge bath it is.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
