suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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