Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
