fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
