she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
