I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
