***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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