why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
