I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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