I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
